Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Memo to Life

Ariani, Inc.
From: The Chief of Staff, Lani Ariani
Memo Re: The goodness and wellness of the Ariani household

Dear Life,

First of, I just want to say thank you for all the hard work that you've done for our family.  It's a tough job you do, Life, creation and all.  And I do realize that you're not fair, but you do a good job of balancing your priorities.  I feel, however, that you have been a little negligent to Ariani, Inc lately and there are a few issues regarding your team, most specifically Fate, Destiny, and Timing.

Let's address Fate first.  Although we thank him whole heartily for bringing Sonny and I together and he and you creating our wonderful children...I think that it's a pretty cruel joke to have our lives and friends on opposite sides of the country.  I cannot help a friend in need, I have to wait until 11:00 am to call as everyone is still sleeping on the West Coast, and if you and Fate decide to throw a curveball our way, we cannot call on my friends and family for support.  That's pretty jacked up, Life.  Please inform Fate that he needs to work on throwing us a bone and somehow working something out where my friends and family would be able to come see me, or me go to them, at will.  A teleporting machine would be fabulous, but we may even settle for a better income, new job, or a location change. 

Now on to Destiny.  She seems to be a bit ambiguous, that girl, never giving Ariani, Inc a straight answer.  As you know, Life, Sonny works in a family business that has been operating for just about 30 years.  That's a long time for a small business in this day and age, Life!  However, with the downturn in the economy and the plummet of the automobile industry, we just don't see a way out of this.  However, Destiny has not really been pulling her weight here to help us decide what to do.  Is it our destiny to fail?  Is it our destiny to move on from this business? To sell? To stay and work through it?  She needs to put a little more effort in making her motives clear so that Ariani, Inc may make good decisions and work on becoming prosperous.

And finally....Timing.  Timing is pretty shitty right now, I have to say.  With you, Life, blessing us with 2 children, you and Timing have obviously had a failure in communication on when would be a good time to test us financially, emotionally, and physically.  Ariani, Inc has survived, and has been able to adjust to try and create a wonderful environment for our fine little company here....but Timing's performance has been poor.  Fine, the money is tight.  Fine, I have to go back to work. the midst of everything that you, Fate, and Destiny have thrown at us....this was just bad on Timing's part.

Really?  Now?  Now of all times while I'm applying for jobs and starting to interview....he had to have my kid fall and puncture...PUNCTURE...his lip with his tooth.  That's right, Life, PUNCTURE.  His TOOTH....went THROUGH...his lip.  Of all times, and days, and moments, the last thing I needed was a trip to the emergency room.  Please make vast improvement to Timing and have him through some good Timing our way.  Like when we go to Vegas...maybe make the roulette wheel stop on 33 at the same time I decide to put my money on it.  Or make sure that it's the best time to throw my quarter in that machine next to the elevators.

Please coordinate with your team ASAP to assure that you have the best interest at heart for Ariani, Inc.  You obviously have lack of communication on what is best for the company.  And while we're at failed to submit your TPS reports this week.  Did you get the memo.

Thank you, and I look forward to seeing all of your teams progress in the near future.

The Chief of Staff of Ariani, Inc,
Lani Ariani

1 comment:

  1. Awww...tell Hunter his Auntie Alana did the same thing to her lip - twice - when she was three! Never thought about it from a Mommy's perspective, but I kinda like my unique lip scar ;)


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