Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Drip, Drip......Plop.....

Ok....spoiler alert....it's about poop. 

First of all....I'd just like to apologize to my local Panera Bread for having to clean up the mess, for emptying a disgusting trash can, and for us slightly yelling for to-go boxes.

Ok...So Heather and Will's last day was yesterday.  We had just finished up a lovely weekend at the NJ shore (post to come) and we had to pick up the little pupps at the boarding place.  Since the kids were out and happy...HEY! Let's go to lunch at Panera Bread!  Hooray!

Alright, let me preface something.  About Poop.  Yes Poop.  Hunter is a great pooper....you could almost set your clock to him.  Always first thing in the morning, never a second time, and always the same consistency.  And if there is no poop in the morning...it's always right when he wakes from the nap.  So when he didn't have any junk in his trunk in the morning....no worries, I thought, he'll do it when he wakes from nap.

Ok....back to the day.  We're in Panera, everyone's happy and eating and talking.  Hunter was on his knees, backwards on the chair, looking out the window.  I turned to see what he was looking at...and when I turned back...I see a puddle of something on the floor.  My eyes work their way up and see that it's dripping off the chair, dripping down his legs, all over his shirt and shorts.  I lift up his shirt...and it's literally coming out of the top of his pants.  I almost threw up......

"Heather....omg....poop....dripping....gotta go....everywhere.....wipes wipes wipes!!!"

I wiped up as much as I could (there's s little that seeped into the carpet....again....sorry Panera) and carried the poor screaming child to the bathroom.  He was gripping tight to his grilled cheese, and I didn't even care.  Go ahead, eat you're grilled cheese in the bathroom.  Extra germs are the least of my worries.  Well, THANK GOODNESS he stayed still on the changing table, because me and my unfortunate white shirt would have been sorely ruined.  I went to pick up those legs......and drip drip drip drop drip out the back of his diaper.   UUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!! bleh.....bleeeehhhhhhhhhh.  omg...I wiped the poor child up as much as I could...put on the new diaper....and almost made him go out naked because it was all over his clothes.  And I haven't packed an extra outfit for him since he was about a year old...so he had to walk out in half wet still poop stained clothes.  I shall be packing extra outfits for the boys until they are 18 years old.  Seriously. Anyway, I apologize to the next person who went in that bathroom or to the employees that had to empty the trash.  I couldn't find my Arm and Hammer diaper bags to make it not smell and just tossed the disgusting thing in the trash.  I'm so, so sorry....

So we went back to the table and had to leave.  Now.  It was too gross and the smell was starting to emanate from his clothes.  Heather ran to the counter to get to-go boxes since I didn't get to finish and since Hunter wanted to grip his grilled cheese.  Again, fine, whatever.  Out to the car we went, with a quick switch on shoes cuz in my hurry in the bathroom I put them on the wrong feet and home we went.

Heather had the baby and Will, and I ran H straight up to the bathtub....clothes and all.  I think he kinda knew what the deal was, because he handed me his cup I use to dump water on his head and said "here you go."  I dump 1800 cups of water on him with clothes on....then another 1800 with clothes off.  Blllleeeccchhhh.  He was SO GOOD and didn't even fuss.  I think he just wanted to get clean.  I got him into his jammies (which made him happy because they had Lightening McQueen on them) and dropped him into bed.  He was asleep by the time I got downstairs to turn on the video monitor.

This was my first experience with a poop like this....and for it to happen on my 2 year old....omg...I was so stressed.  So gross.  Lesson learned.....don't take ANYTHING for granted, always have extra wipes and another set of clothes, and be prepared to pack up at a moments notice.....and preferably have a great friend with you who understands the perils of poop.  Thanks Heather.

And again....I'm sorry Panera....truly truly sorry....

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