The "Never ever EVER say to a pregnant woman" list

I went to go visit a few people at my old workplace yesterday with Hunter and boy did he have a grand old time! I used to work in a kitchen and bath showroom, and since he is not aloud in our kitchen, he was having a ball walking in and out of the vignettes, opening drawers and cabinets and pointing at see through drawers and such. It was almost a mini Disneyland for him....so much so that he ran from me when it was time to leave. Since I didn't feel like running, I mozied after him....right past a lady customer and her son. She said hello to Hunter as he ran by....then this conversation ensued

(I came around the corner calling Hunter's name)

She says "Oh! God bless you! How far along are you?"

"I have 2 more months to go"

"Oh my goodness really! You're so big! Are you carrying twins?"

(slow turn from me with a piercing icy glare) "No....are you seriously asking me that?"

Ok Internet....I just assumed that there were certain things that people know not to ask/do to a pregnant woman. I should have figured that some people out there are so sheltered and in their own little spaced out world...that they have not gotten the memo. So, here is a small, yet extremely serious list, of things never to ask a pregnant woman. If you have more...we would love to add them.

1) Never ask a woman if she is pregnant. Period. Don't assume, if she wants you to know or comment on it, she will tell you. Even if the lady is pregnant, you may be crushing her delusions (delusions that make her very happy) that she still looks normal. So just DON'T ASK

2) When you are told that a lady is with child, NEVER comment on the size of her belly (this includes guessing how many she is carrying, OR guessing what month she's in). If you say she's big, bad news for the self esteem and you may end up with a fist in your face. If you comment she's so small, she may worry that the baby is not getting enough nutrition. Just say she looks great and move on.

3) Asking if she knows the sex of the baby or what sex she would like is completely acceptable, but NEVER give your 2 cents on what YOU think would be great if she had. Example "oh...you want a girl? But a boy would be so much fun!" or "Oh...you're having a boy? They're so messy and rough and rowdy. Don't you wish you were having a girl?" The lady has no choice in this matter, so she truly will be happy with whatever sex she is going to have. Do not say how GREAT it would be if she had a girl or boy because of whatever reason YOU think it would be great. That's just selfish and there is a chance that she knows and is not telling you and if you give your preference...you may, again....end up with a fist in your face.

4) NEVER.....EVER....touch the belly. Unless you are family, close friends, or want (what?) a fist in the face....stay back.

5) NEVER ask how much weight she's gained so far. Many ladies who have never been pregnant are always very curious on how much weight they may gain if they get pregnant....but don't ask. Everyone's different, every pregnancy is different, and even though she has an excuse to eat a little more freely....the pregnant lady is still self conscious about her weight. If you are curious on how much weight you "should" gain....here's a link.

6) Never tell a pregnant lady about stories of miscarriages or bad deliveries. Really, you may think that you are helping by preparing them for the worst, but these are not stories that the pregnant lady wants to hear. She is working hard enough and going through enough changes that she should fully be able to live under the delusion that everything she is doing will be rewarded with puppies and rainbows in the delivery room. And NOBODY wants to hear about miscarriages....period. It's too sad...


If you have any others, please post them and we will make sure they get added to the official list.