Thursday, January 13, 2011

Potty Training - Part Deux - It's the WORST!

So far, there hasn't been a child rearing stage I've hated more than I hate potty training right now. The process has managed to roll all of my most hated things into one massive pain in my butt. Add a sprinkle of spiders and a dash of slimy reptiles and the mix is complete! And literally, my ass hurts from sitting on that stupid step-stool while Will decides whether or not he's going to pee a teaspoon or a tablespoon worth in the toilet. I put a towel on the stool to help cushion it, but it's already too late...poor little (haha!) toosh is broken.

Potty training got put on hiatus in our house for about a month and a half since Will had to recover from a peener infection complete with antibiotics, then we all got really sick - as in, I don't think I've ever been that sick. I cooked Christmas Eve dinner with a fever, Hubby's was at 104 that morning, and Will decided to join the fever club that day too. Good times. Then it was Christmas and New Year's and Will got diarrhea. Not exactly prime time to pick it back up again. So here we are. New year and a new round of potty training.

Things I hate:
- Cleaning floors, especially ones covered in pee
- Laundry, especially when it's soaked in pee
- Messy/dirty/wet clothes
- Extra (somewhat preventable) mess
- Tantrums & Extra Tantrums
- Ignoring me when I ask a question, like "Do you need to go potty?"
- Repeating myself 32 times...because someone is ignoring my question.
- Sitting in the bathroom any longer than I have to
- The toilet - it's not exactly the prettiest fixture...
- Sitting on the potty stool until my butt is numb
- Touching poop

Oh yeah, you read that right...yesterday I had a poop incident. Will was crouching and hiding all weird-like with his alien toy. I just thought he was playing until I got a big whiff... OH MY GOD! GO TO THE POTTY! HURRY!! HURRY! I pull down his Iron Man (his latest obsession) undies and there is a turd stuck to his butt. I held my hand near, but not on the turd, hoping I could transfer his tush to the toilet & the turd would fall off his butt and plop right in the toilet. No harm, no foul. Right? Wrong! It fell in my hand and then I had to plop it in the toilet. Ugh. SO gross. I had poop in my hand. HUMAN POOP! And then I had to rinse the skid marks off of his undies so it wouldn't stain. Livin' the glamorous life, I tell ya.

Whatta Happy Camper!

I'm pretty sure potty training a dog is easier than potty training a kid. No joke. Maybe it's because he's a boy? "They" say boys are tougher... Maybe it's because he's stubborn like his dad and independent like me? There's definitely less tantrums and laundry involved when you potty train a dog. Although, the look of the carpet is about the same. After my whiny text to Lani this morning about how awful this is, because I started the morning spending literally THIRTY minutes with Will in the bathroom while he screamed & cried & fought me 90% of the time while sitting on the toilet and then cried some more because I had to wipe the snot running down his face...I got the "Just keep on truckin'" push from her, which is exactly what I told her when she was on Day 3 with Hunter.

All things aside...he's doing well. He's battin' about .500. (Is that right Dad?) The first two days we were dead even with 7 successes and 7 accidents. Yes, that's a LOT of underwear and sweats to be going through. Thank goodness Lani sent us a bunch of Hunter's old stuff because Will would be cold and pants-less otherwise. He has been wearing underwear during his nap, but not overnight. I'm hoping he can get used to trying to stay dry during nap time and maybe that will transfer to dryness overnight. So far, he just wakes up at the end of his nap in a puddle, which means I wait and do a load of pee soaked sweats, underwear, towels, and sheets after his nap. Today I'm going to try and get him up 10 min before the 2 hour nap mark and see if he'll get up to go potty. Maybe I can catch him before he wakes up in a puddle. Wish me luck!

Right now, I will watch Iron Man (and Iron Man 2 because it's more action packed & keeps his attention better) as many times as he asks so he stays in a good mood. I'm going to keep my coffee cup full so I can hopefully remain energy-filled and optimistic as the day wears on and my patience wears thin. And I'm going to tell you a few things I've learned this time around:

- If you're potty training a boy - WIPE DOWN EVERYTHING, EVERY TIME. The little pee shield on the potty seat, the potty seat itself, his little peener, everything you both touch in the bathroom, and everything pee touches. This will prevent the dreaded red peen.

- Bring a toy, a book, or both to the bathroom each time. This will help them stay on the toilet longer, creating a higher probability of a success. I cannot tell you how many times Will tells me he's "Done" and so am I after sitting there for 20 minutes and as soon as I put his pants back on, he pees. And then steam wafts out of my ears.

- Be ridiculous. When Will has a success, I scream, I WOOT!, I stomp my feet (much to my downstairs neighbors dismay, I'm sure), jump around, and dance like a fool while singing some crazy song I've made up. My latest addition is a "Pweeew Pweew!" hand gesture a la Iron Man. Will thinks its hilarious. He also sees how happy I am when he is successful. Which can only encourage more success.

- Don't kill yourself when you've had the following conversation 5,000 times in before noon:
Mom: Will, do you need to go potty?
Will: (silence)
Mom: William? Do you need to go potty?
Will: (half glance)
Mom: WILL! Do you need to go potty?!
Will: Mo, Mo, Mo.

- Keep on truckin'. Eventually, it will to click. It HAS to. Right?

Until then, we'll all just fall asleep where we sit because we are so exhausted...

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