Guilt trips....

California was in my sights...just 4 days away until I hop onto a plane to spend a little (and I mean little) quality time with my best friends and my family.  Friday was juuuuuusssttt in my sights....and then Monday came and it seems like my week went to shit.  Sorry....doody....

First came the attitude from Sonny.  Oh what the heck, he doesn't read this anymore anyway.  There's nothing specific....just ATTITUDE!!!!  A little cold, a lot snarky, and a hell of a lot annoying.  Especially when I'm running around cleaning all his clothes, vaccuming, cleaning bathrooms, changing towels, washing Hunter's clothes....all to make sure that he has a drama free weekend.  You know?  It felt like he was giving me some sort of guilt trip for going away.  In fact, that's exactly what he was doing, considering last night he says...and I quote "I don't want to get into an argument by saying this....but I am really serious when I say that this is the last time that you should be leaving me.  It's ridiculous.....you have a family and soon to have 2 kids and responsibilities.  Besides....when do I get a break?"  Oh...there it is.  Right there.  At the end.  It's CLEARLY not that I'm leaving that is what's making him upset....it's the fact that he is unable to go.  I understand....I get it.  His work is his mistress and she is one demanding bitch!  I kinda hate her.  BUT...when the subject of the sprinkle was brought up MONTHS ago, he supported it...saying "have a great time" and "relax" and "you deserve it!!!"  He even chipped in money for the shower to make it more fabu than it was already going to be...to insure that I have a good time.  Then 4 days before I leave I get the silent treatment, alot of snippiness, and mayjah attitude??  Unfair.....

Then to make things worse.....my poor little guy gets sick.  GOOD LORD!!!  Can't I just go away and not be made to feel like a bad mother and wife!!  If Sonny isn't chastising me and laying on the guilt....God does!!  Hunter had a fever (thank goodness it's gone now) runny nose, a touch of diarreha (lovely!) and that damned cough again!!!  ARGH!  I didn't sleep a wink last night cuz the poor boy was moaning.  Not crying....not wanting me to come get him....just moaning.  Like an I-don't-feel-good-and-can't-sleep-and-why-are-you-leaving-me-mommy?  Ugh....seriously.

I know I have responsibilities and I know I have people to take care of....but is going away for 4 days really that horrible of a thing to do?  I'm going to have 2 little bambinos to take care of in less then 3 months (crazy) and I'm not going to be getting any kind of a real break for the next....what....19 years....let alone sleep for the first couple months...or years.  Is it really that bad to say "hey, family, I need a little weekend to sleep in, to be lazy, to enjoy Disneyland, and to just have a few moments for me."  Is that really so wrong????  I feel like this week the fates have been against me, just laying on a thick layer of guilt for trying to get one little eensy iota of me time before its "everyone else" time. 

The trouble with being a mommy, and trust when I say it's more lovely than anything, but EVERYONE depends on you.  And not that there is anything wrong with that....but what Sonny doesn't understand is that his work, although extremely stressful, is his little "break" away from the day!  Bullshit when he says that he would rather stay at home and take care of the kids all day.  BULLLLLLL!!!  I love taking care of my sweet chubby cherub...but at about 6:00 I'm counting the seconds until Sonny gets home.  And who does he turn to to fix his lunches, make sure he has shirts and pants to wear, dinner when he gets home, and make sure the toilets are clean??  ME!  Who packs Hunter's going out bag when we venture anywhere as a family and makes sure that he has snacks, toys, a clean cup, adequate diapers, and an extra outfit?  ME! THAT'S WHO!!! 

Well guess what?  You ALL will survive 4 days without me!!  You will figure it out....you will get fed....you will be ok even with a cough....and you may have to do your own laundry for once in 5 years!!!!!  And you know what i'm going to be doing??  You think I'll be having the best time of my life??  NO!!I'll be having a good time.....but I'll be sick with worry for the two of you the whole time counting the days until I come home!!!!!  OK??  SO THERE!!!!